Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
