my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
is that a dick in a sweater?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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