I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
please come you make the beer taste better
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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