So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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