the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
