I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
