this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
