There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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