I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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