she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
