You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
