I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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