My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
