So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
