I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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