I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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