she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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