The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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