i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
