True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
