That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
