Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
