yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Alive.
So much puke
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
