i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How does one acquire holy water?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
