I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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