i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
