Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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