Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
