I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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