I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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