I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
