New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
