Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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