The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
