So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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