So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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