winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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