in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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