As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
