So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
