The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
