If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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