I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
