in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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