a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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