Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
