i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
