I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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