a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize
