DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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