just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
