My nipple is on Facebook.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
