I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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