dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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