i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
