I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
